What I learned from my first ever Deepest Fears Inventory.
It’s one of Carolyn Elliot’s processes. So grateful.
Oh my, do I crack myself up at times! So I committed to starting the Deepest Fear Inventory as a daily practice, with today being day one. I felt some twinges of apprehension through the day, and then when the time came to ‘do the deed’, this stampede of chaotic, anxious, boisterous fears about the exercise and practice itself came charging in….
‘Hey, how do you know you’ll do it right?’
‘What if you become fixated on trying to come up with fears that sound good to the person you’re going to read them aloud to, instead of connecting to your real fears?’
‘What if your deepest fears hide even deeper because they don’t want you to read them out loud to someone else? What if they don’t want to be exposed?’
‘What if you hit a wall, and have nothing to write, what if nothing flows? Then what?! You do know you’re supposed to free flow write as fast as possible!’
‘What if your deepest fears sound lame and spineless? And don’t tell me you plan to copy some of Carolyn’s because they ‘resonate’ with you too’
SHEWA! Just had to laugh!
I did hit a bit of a wall. Just reminded myself to breathe and stay present. To just breath and relax and trust, no judgement, no shoulds, no pressure.
Acceptance. Allowing. Innocence. Humbility.
Celebrating that I showed up.
So what if I ended up repeating myself?
So what if I hit a bit of a wall, drew a blank midst inventory.?
And when I got to the part where I wrote ‘Dear God I pray only for the knowledge…..’ the analogy of the drop of ocean water and the ocean itself came to mind.
There was this strong sense that the part of me writing this prayer was the drop of ocean water, and God the ocean…
So when I pray to God, when I ask God, it’s not that I’m praying to something separate from me…
Rather it’s like my droplet consciousness, the part that perceives itself as separate from the whole, but that knows deep within that it’s not, asking for the help and support, the guidance of my ocean consciousness, that part that IS EVERYTHING, all-knowing, eternal, infinite.
In other words, God’s will for me is my own OCEAN CONSCIOUSNESS will for the DROPLET manifested part of me.
And it makes absolute sense!
It’s like the part of me with limited vision asking to be guided by the vision of the part that can see to infinity and beyond!
And why would I want it any other way?
Why would I want to settle for the teeny tiny limited perspective will for me and this lifetime, that my droplet self can offer, when there’s the option to connect to my ocean self’s will for me!
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